Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
