Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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