let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
