Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
