I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
