I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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