yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
