ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
