So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
