I will die if light touches me.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
