Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
