it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
