I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
