Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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