oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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