I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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