By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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