I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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