Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
