Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
