someone owes me an orgasm
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
