That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
