1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
