69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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