My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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