About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im calling her cock vulture from now on
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
