Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it glows. i had to have it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
