we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
operation harelip BJ is a go
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
