man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i wish my penis had a tongue
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
