hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
