Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
