please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
