Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
