Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
that's an acceptable place to lick
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
