Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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