I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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