I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
