brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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