Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
