I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
