Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
