When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
