I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
