I want to stick my p in your. b.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
