am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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