i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
