a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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