yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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