Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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