I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
