We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
