I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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