You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
