my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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