found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
