So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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