I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
