I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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