everyone is single if you try hard enough
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
