bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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