my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
